#spideypool used to be so good you guys. so delicious.

[sciderman]

I’m envious that so much of your life is dedicated to creating Spideypool content. 70% of my Spideypool time is reading fics or obsessing over fanart; only about 30% of my Spideypool time is actually spent writing my fics. And I haven’t actually finished enough of one of them to post anything. One day I hope I can change that ratio and spend much more time blessing the Spideypool fandom the way you do with your abundance of written and visual Spideypool work.

"im envious that so much of your life is dedicated to creating spideypool content" are words i never expected to ever hear in my lifetime... wild and freaky of you i think, you craaazy...

it's a trade-off because i consume so very little of it... but my tastes are very... singular... i think in a post-mcu world, it's become a lot trickier for me to find spideypool content i can enjoy, so i kind of have to furiously create it - and kind of all my favourite spideypool creators from that beautiful pre-mcu era have moved onto different pastures... where'd they go... oh i miss them so...

i certainly used to read a WHOLE lot more spideypool pre-homecoming, but since the homecoming-imposed hiatus, i've found it difficult to trust again...

[mqonlighting]

spideypool thoughts because i am back in my sm/dp phase and loving every goddamn second of it !!

- something about the way their dynamic is actually healthy??? yeah no FUCK the i-can-change-him idea, but rather the I-CAN-CHANGE-FOR-HIM idea??? obsessed and I love it in terms of spideypool

- i am ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN for the legendary fics where spidey gets jealous of himself and is left in a state of pure shock about it whenever wade’s swooning over his latest crush peter parker like SOMETHING ABOUT IT IS SO PETER OF PETER TO DO AND ITS FUNNY AND MAKES FOR A DELICIOUS IDENTITY REVEAL

- coming up to the topic of identity reveals I have a LOT to say about them, first of all I find them so important to the progression of wade and peter’s relationship. it’s important because maybe, on a more practical level, peter feels like wade has so much at his disposal to exploit his identity — but it’s that exact mindset that makes the big moment so special. who peter is behind the mask is him in a state of vulnerability; at the end of the day, spider-man is everyone’s shield and their great savior and protector — including peter’s. he feels like he has to be so strong and brave all the time and have his guard up, but the moment he takes off the mask, it means that he trusts you with his fragmented pieces and trusts that you won’t break them any further. NOW TAKE THAT IN THE CONTEXT OF SPIDEYPOOL, WHERE PETER FEELS LIKE HE HAS TO HATE WADE BECAUSE WADE IS WHO HE IS BUT HE TRUSTS HIM ANYWAYS AND DOESNT KNOW WHY. gold

- this is something that’s like said a lot but there’s something so interesting about the fact that wade and peter as characters actually have very similar principles and characteristic points — they’re both funny, both use humor and quippage to cope with the turmoil and struggle constantly thrown at them, and they were both thrown into the deep end at young age. where their characters begin to diverge are the morals and ideas formed by their unique and individual traumatic experiences and coping experiences. for example, if ben hadn’t died and peter’s rageful side and irresponsibility only consumed him, who’s to say he wouldn’t have become a murderous killer the same way wade was? or even a mercenary the same way Wade did to try and support himself financially and care for his family? and if wade had grown up in a supportive household and learned the price of his actions, who’s to say he wouldn’t have become a hero like peter? EXPERIENCES BUILD CHARACTERS AND THESE TWO HAVE SUCH INTRICATE CHARACTERS

- something about their perceptions of one another physically. I TALKED ABOUT THIS IN ONE OF MY REPOSTS but the way peter is just an average, pretty good-looking guy and every time I write wade describing his features, it’s not “he’s hot” or “he’s sexy” or “he’s a model” but rather the small things no one would find beautiful or even unique about anyone. big, chocolate brown eyes, crooked, bashful smiles, the way he forgets to push up his glasses — literally who the fuck would care other than a person madly in love? EXACTLY.

- in correlation to the previous point, FICS WHERE PETER REASSURES WADE HE’S GORGEOUS IN EVERY WAY AND MEANS EVERY SINGLE WORD. if you love someone TRULY, nothing can be ugly about them. and peter sees the scars and wade thinks he’ll hate it but in reality peter adores it and thinks wade is unique and beautiful and interesting and all of that. AGH warms my lonely lonely heart

- wade would be very happy to do the upside down kiss. this is in fact a fic idea so by any means please treat this as a prompt

- BOTH DISASTERS BUT BOTH EACH OTHER’S DISASTERS!! look I love tired x hyper but something about these two being absolute hurricanes of awkwardness and then bonding over their weird ass references with occasional hints of tired x hyper banter makes my heart sing I honestly just love them (BONUS POINTS IF THE HINTS OF TIRED X HYPER IS DEADPOOL MAKING A FLIRTY STEAMY COMMENT, PETER GETTING FLUSTERED, AND THEN PETER TRIES TO HIDE IT WITH A TIRED EXHAUSTED ANGRY LINE OF DIALOGUE) or perhaps peter realizing Deadpool is a fun guy and unknowingly doing everything in his power to hang out with him mayhaps?????

anyways yep!! some of my incoherent head-empty-only-spideypool thoughts that I would like to share with the class ! < andd not to be a shameless self promoter but if you would like to see these thoughts written out then I’m on ao3 wink wink cough cough >

[remywrites5]

please spideypool i beg it's my life source from you

           It was just a typical night at the 7-11, boring beyond compare with the occasional weirdo to liven the place up. Wade sat behind the counter with his feet propped up, slurping at his cup of noodles and watching the cameras. They didn’t pay him enough to stop people robbing the place but it was always fun to see how bad people were at it. Occasionally he would chase some underage kids trying to steal beer but that was more to stretch his legs than anything else. 

           The bell on the door chimed as someone new entered and Wade took his eyes off the homeless man in aisles 3 shoving the snack bags of Doritos into his pants. He would never call out Hank like that anyway, dude was a regular, and a hoot.

           He glanced up just in time to see a cute nerd walk in and push his black square framed glasses up the bridge of his nose. He smiled at Wade and Wade felt like Bugs Bunny with his heart beating wildly like a cartoon. “What’s up, Doc?” Wade called out and received a smirk from the guy in response.

           To his very welcome surprise, the guy stopped over at the condoms. He pulled down a box of the generic brand and looked at them. “Oh, you don’t want those,” Wade told him, shouting to the back of the store. “They have a tendency to break. You know, all that friction.” Wade made a fist and stuck his finger through it, simulating sex and then making both his hands burst. 

           He was rewarded with the guy turning a delicious shade of red. “Thanks,” he said, putting the condoms back quickly.

           “You a Magnums kind of guy?” Wade called out. “You look like you might be a Magnums kind of guy.”

           “Can you please stop shouting?” The guy said, looking very much like he wanted to disappear into his hoodie like a turtle.

           Wade took that as an invitation to come over and help the kid out up close and personal.“You don’t want these, they’re like days from expiring,” Wade told him, passing over some Durex that had been there since like the dawn of time. “Big date tonight?”

           “Look, I appreciate it, but I don’t really need help with this…” the kid glanced down at Wade’s nametag. “Gloria?” he read in confusion, cocking his head to the side.

           Wade laughed. “I forgot my nametag at home and we get in trouble if we’re not wearing one. They can’t read it on the cameras so as long as one is there they don’t press the issue. Gloria works the morning shift, she won’t miss it.”

           “Oh.”

           “Real name is Wade,” he said with a grin. “How about you?”

           “Peter,” the kid said, holding his hand out politely.

           Wade couldn’t help chuckling as he shook hands. “Now that we’re properly introduced, answer the question Petey.”

           Peter made a face at the nickname. “No big date,” he said with a heavy sigh, shoving his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. “More just wishful thinking I guess.”

           “Ooh,” Wade said, his eyes widening. “Kind of like the Secret? Putting some sexy thoughts out into the universe, Petey?”

           Peter smiled softly. “Something like that.”

           “Then you have to get some!” Wade said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “Maybe if you’re trying to send the right kind of message you should get ones that are ribbed for her pleasure. Shows you’re considerate and unselfish.”

           “You make it sound like buying condoms is like opening a fortune cookie,” Peter said in amusement.

           “Maybe it is,” Wade said with a shrug. “Lube or no lube?”

           Peter nearly choked in surprise at the question. “For fuck’s sake,” he said, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

           “You’re pretty when you blush,” Wade said, feeling himself swooning already. He wished he had the self-confidence to ask Peter back to his place to test as many condoms as possible. Despite all his bravado he really would never entertain that someone like Peter would be interested. His fingers brushed over the familiar scars on his face and he cringed slightly just thinking about them.

           “I’m pretty all the time,” Peter joked, his lips twitching with the hint of a smile. Wade knew he was already a goner.

           “Magnum bare skin,” Wade said, distracting himself from Peter’s comment. “Decision made.”

           He pushed the box of condoms into Peter’s hands, ignoring how soft his skin was where they touched. Wade rushed back to the register just in time to see Hank shuffle awkwardly out of the store. “See you next week!” he called after him.

           “You know that guy had food stuffed in his pants, right?” Peter said, walking over to the counter and dropping the condoms onto it.

           “Oh yeah,” Wade said with a nod. “Hank’s a regular.”

           “I don’t even want to know what kind of people frequent a place like this,” Peter said, shaking his head. “It’s like being in the Twilight zone here.”

           “This feels like a dimension of imagination to you?” Wade asked, tossing the remainder of his cup of noodles into the trash.

           Peter laughed. “It’s certainly at the pit of my fears with guys shoving snacks down their pants and you helping me pick out condoms. I may have had this nightmare before.”

           “I’m certainly the stuff of nightmares,” Wade said quietly. He ducked his head down and quickly rang up the condoms.

           “I didn’t mean it like that,” Peter said quickly. “I just meant…you know…it’s embarrassing needing help with that kind of stuff.”

           Wade flicked his eyes up to Peter’s to make sure he wasn’t lying. Peter shuffled awkwardly under his gaze. “It’s okay,” Wade said, shrugging it off. “I already knew my chances of winning most handsome cashier at the 7-11 awards were shot this year.”

           Peter seemed to relax after Wade made the joke, looking relieved he hadn’t offended him. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. You’ve got a certain charisma. It goes a long way.”

           “Well, you’ve certainly got my vote for hottest nerd,” Wade shot back.

           Peter laughed.  Wade wished he could record the sound of it and play it on nights when he couldn’t sleep. “Is that another category at the 7-11 awards?”

           “No, it’s from the Wade W. Wilson guys I’d really like to take out on a date and put those condoms to good use awards,” Wade said after deciding to just say fuck it. Peter was cute and funny and every part of Wade was saying yes please.

           Peter chewed his bottom lip for a moment. “Guess the Secret works, huh?”

           Wade dropped his jaw in surprise. “Is that a yes, Petey?”

           Peter leaned over the counter and pulled Wade forward into a kiss.His lips were soft and sweet. Wade already couldn’t get enough of them. “I’d like to thank the Academy,” he quipped before kissing Wade again.

[speter-sparker]

Spideypool fic rec #2

ya boy is back at it again with the whole procrastination thing, and if I'm going down, ill bring all of you with me. 

other recs by me: X 

1) Peter Parker's Home for the Wayward Villain by BeanieBaby   [90k, complete]

summary: A really long redemption story.

my thoughts: you know how every ship has That One Fic? The one that every person who recs fic recs? This is it. In a world where Peter Parker was never bitten by a radioactive spider (but still lives in a world of heroes), he still has a chance to make a change. 

additional info: found family, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, POV peter

2) Said the Fly to the Spider by BC_Brynn   [20k, complete]

summary: Peter is being courted by Deadpool. With words. And life-saving.

my thoughts: so damn good. the story is character and relationship-focused, with witty banter and dumb jokes - in short, the perfect spideypool fic. Pacing is on point, side characters are in character, just... *chef kiss* beautiful. 

additional info: friends to lovers, slow burn, POV peter 

3) the kubler-ross theory by antivenom   [80k, complete]

summary: Peter loses Gwen in a split-second of motion. It takes much, much longer for him to find himself afterwards.

(In which Peter deals with a loss that immobilizes him and permeates through every drawn breath. In which his grief is a visceral abstraction that he can touch, that he can feel. And in which, with a little help, with time, with acceptance, with anger, with sadness, with Wade, he learns how to live in a world without her.)

my thoughts: if you read nothing else on this list, READ THIS. It deals with the aftermath of Gwen Stacy’ death, and how Peter copes (or doesn't) with the aftermath. This story is a love letter to everyone who has lost someone - the stages of grief, the anger and confusion and emotion are so real. Everything is brutally honest, the author doesn't hold back punches - in fact, it's because of this that I love how Wade and Peters's relationship is written. They are both shown as flawed characters who are trying so damn hard and their relationship feels real. The same can be said for every character in this fic - the relationships with aunt may and MJ and other supers are beautifully thought out and written. 

additional info: HOPEFUL ENDING, slow burn, pre-relationship, hurt/comfort, POV Peter 

4) I'll Tell No Lies by doctorestranged   [78k, complete]

summary: When a series of murders take place, Peter Parker goes undercover in Sister Margaret’s to get intel on Tony Stark’s prime suspect: Deadpool. Except, Peter is horrible at lying and this seems like a dreadful idea. Peter goes in hoping to get enough information so that Spider-Man can save the day, but like everything in Peter’s life, it becomes a bit more complicated than that.

my thoughts: The pacing is so fun - it’s a murder mystery with a heavy side of romance, featuring Tony not-angry-just-disappointed ok-a-little-angry Stark, a very done Weasle, and one taxi driver. 

additional info: strangers to friends to lovers, SMUT, POV Peter 

5) Without Ever Letting You Know by TimidTurnip   [8k, complete]

summary: So something weird is going on with Deadpool, that's nothing new. Spewing flower petals is hardly the strangest thing the merc has done. The part that is confusing Peter is that Deadpool doesn't want Spider-man around. WTH.

my thoughts: mmm, hurts so good. Love how they examine Peter’s personality and relationship to Wade in this one. 

additional info: Hopeful ending, PINING, friends to lovers, POV Peter

6) i know your secret by jilliancares   [8k, complete]

summary: “I’m your new neighbor,” Wade forged on, oblivious to Peter’s state of shock, and he stuck out a scarred hand. Peter gripped it, feeling numb, and gave it a shake. Did Wade realize who he was? No, clearly not. He was acting way too normally. Wade was one for dramatics.

my thoughts: Fluff CENTRAL. Wade and Peter are given a playful relationship that can only be described as puppy love. 

additional info: fluff, identity porn, friends to lovers, POV Peter

7) The Naked Truth by CAPSING   [20k, complete]

summary: Wade is not a cat person. But maybe he'll make an exception to get into some cute guy's pants.

my thoughts: CAT FIC! THERE'S A CAT!

additional info: pining, strangers to friends to lovers, vet!peter, Wade is still Deadpool, POV Wade

8) The Boys Wear Red... by Orcusnox (Cat9894)   [108k, complete]

summary: Wade is a hero, Peter is a merc. 

my thoughts: HOLY HECK??? if you thought Spider-man 3 was dark, Raimi ain't got nothing on this. My biggest worry going into this was that Peter and Wade would just swap places and character, but that could not be further from the truth. Peter is dark, but in a way that fits who he is, who he would be if he jumped off the deep end. Everything in this feels thought out and works well together - the character writing is smooth and logical, even for side characters. The plot is fun and exciting, the banter even more so. 

additional info: Hopeful ending, some smut later, gore/violence, past mentions of abuse, frenemies to friends to lovers, POV Peter

9) Allostasis by ruralfishingcat   [42k, complete]

summary: Peter had a tendency to put up walls to isolate himself; even as Spider-Man, he could only suffer through so much death and destruction. It was precautionary, really, and those he'd pushed away would thank him were they aware of the circumstances. Of course, Deadpool had his own tendencies, one of which was to break down said walls (fourth ones included). As grating as it was, a small sliver of Peter hoped the mercenary would be able to succeed.

my thoughts: fucking cute my dude. Identity porn to the max, and a butt crap of pining. 

additional info: friends to lovers, protective Wade, identity porn, POV Peter

10) what light through yonder window by hellornothing   [14k, complete]

summary: The figure moves quickly, but Peter’s faster. He’s still adjusting to the sudden brightness, so dark red is really the only thing he takes from this initial encounter, but it’s enough.

‘Deadpool?’

-aka the one where they get together via late night window visits

my thoughts: THESE TWO! *clenches fist* ya know? just them realizing they have massive heart boners for each other 

additional info: friends to lovers, fluffflufffluff, mama mia that's a lot of F’s, POV Peter 

11) Patron Saint by isaDanCurtisproduction   [58k, complete]

summary: Peter is desperate. Hungry and alone on the streets, he's ready and willing to do anything to change his situation, even if just for a night. And sharing a stranger's bed would be no hardship, especially when the alternatives include dumpster-diving for dinner and sleeping, arms wrapped around him, beneath a chilly and indifferent sky.

Then a man named Wade Wilson steps into his life.

my thoughts: The plot is simple and allows for GREAT character moments. I clutched my heart cause they were so cute and just GAAAHH! the chemistry is great, the banter is fun, the plot is on point. 10/10 would (and do) recommend 

additional info: strangers to friends to lovers, no actual smut, be prepared to clutch a titty, identity porn, pining, homeless Peter, POV Peter 

12) better than being alone by darkavengerz (darkavenger) [6k, complete]

summary: Peter's been asked to attend a children's birthday party as Spider-Man, and he's surprised to discover someone else masquerading as him when he turns up at the party.

my thoughts: this is so them. the story is character-focused and just so gosh darn fun. I love my boys just harassing each other for funzies 

additional info: friends to lovers, fluff, POV Peter

13) Nobody's Business by DittyWitty   [6k, complete]

summary: Peter really wasn't supposed to out himself to Deadpool.

my thoughts: insecure Peter, meet insecure Wade. Now go use big boy words and fucking COMMUNICATE

additional info: friends to lovers, POV Peter

14) you grow up and you lose touch by scarlett_starlett   [53k, complete]

summary: Peter always thought that when he had kids, there would be someone by his side.

Instead, he has a mouthy mercenary acting as a chef every night for him and his newly adopted son and a narcissistic billionaire philanthropist paying child support on the sly. But Peter figures it isn’t all bad, especially when Miles loses that dullness in his eyes whenever Wade slips on the banana peels he ‘strategically’ places all over the apartment for Peter as a joke.

my thoughts: usually not one for kid fics - the kids aren't well written and characters tend to be OC. But this one, this one, just shattered my every expectation. The relationship between Peter and Miles, Peter and Wade, and Wade and Miles is phenomenal. The story and plot are wonderful, with themes that you can't help but sink your teeth into. The pining is off the walls. The characters are rounded and complex and grow so much with each other. I cannot recommend this one enough, please by GOD go read it

*** side note: go read everything by this author. go, get outta here! go! 

additional info: SLOW burn, friends to co-parents to lovers, PINING GALORE, POV alternating but mostly POV Peter 

15) A Vicious Cycle by DecimalDrones   [2k, complete]

summary: Peter can't remember the life he and Wade supposedly shared together. It's alright as long as he's happy, though, isn't it?

my thoughts: y’all. Y’ALL. okay, this one is short and sweet but when you finish, go back and read it a second time. The double meaning and context make this fic DELICIOUS. I also recommend checking out their other fics - they’re a bit longer but still easy to finish in a day. 

additional info: established relationship, POV Peter 

16) on staying around by WylderWolf   [4k, complete]

summary: Fourteen pages of loud fart noises.

(also there's some, like, emotions and stuff, and then they bump nasties. it's pretty rad.)

my thoughts: charming little thing with pining wade. Also, they’re both idiots (but what's new)

additional info: friends to lovers, pining, smut at the end, POV Wade 

[lordnochybaty]

Allright. I only got one in my last ask, so I'm limiting myself but BOY OH BOY DO I GOT A GREAT ONE FOR YA SPIDEYPOOL!!!!! (can also be a friendship one no problemo :333)

As promised: SPIDEYPOOL! :D (Thanks again for the ask :)) (this time it’s a bit shorted but I hope you enjoy it anyway :))

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Deadpool is the scary, scar-covered big bad wolf. Peter is the sweet, good guy who happens to be a hunter and is now by the power of fate and plot devices forced to work with Deadpool. The level of danger is less than ideal but the worse are all Little Red Riding Hood jokes.

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

So, Wade is still not sure how he ended up dating Peter. He clearly remembers seeing him for the first time and wanting to do nasty, delicious things to him but he’s not clear how that turned into practically living together and texting each other to pick up something from the shop on the way home.

One moment Wade was coming back from a job, making sure there was no blood on his jacket or T-shirt before he went in to the Kebab place by the beach, literally the only place serving food at 4:30 AM in this area, and chatting up the only other patron - ridiculously cute kid with damp hair and apparently gigantic second stomach, judging by the amount of food he inhaled… The next moment and Wade realized it was several months later but they seemed a bit of a blur, the next moment they were practically living together and Wade was wondering how the fuck he can keep hiding that he kills people for a living.

Then he came back early from a job, moving quickly to the bathroom to find the first aid kit because his arm was bleeding like a motherfucker and he froze in place, staring numbly at Peter. Sitting in a bathtub. With a giant fishtail instead of his lower body.

“I’m pretty sure last time I saw you, you had an ass.”

“I- I can explain.”

Another drop of Wade’s blood falls to the floor and he gets back to moving, reaching for the first aid kit with his other hand.

“That better not be a shark tale. I’m bleeding quite heavily and I’m not in the mood to try and punch your eye out.”

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Wade was quite sure that the familiar was supposed to help him out, not act like a small, annoying, goodie good voice of reason.

“This is so not fair.”

“You get a familiar you need, not one that you want.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a Rolling Stones lyric.”

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Wade is a coffee… enthusiast, and a pastry addict. He chats with Peter, not really hoping to get anywhere with it, because a) he looks like a Freddie Krueger’s left nut, and b) Peter is at work and it’s tacky to hit on people who are paid to be nice to you. But then one day he’s late and arrives when all his favorite blueberry pastries are gone and his day is already shitty by this point but that doesn’t help and then even Peter looks awkward and really, what has Wade done for his life to be this shitty? (The answer is a lot but seriously, who’s counting?) (No, really, who is it?)

“Um- okay, don’t think it’s creepy or weird and don’t tell my manager if you do,” Peter says quickly and then gives Wade the blueberry pastry he was daydreaming about since early morning.

“… I thought you said you’re out.”

“Well, yeah, I- I might have saved one for you, in case you did come in later.”

Wade stares at him for a long dumbfounded moment and Peter starts to panic.

“No, seriously, my manager already hates me, don’t tell her. I said nothing. It’s not for you anyway, I-”

“But I want it!”

“Oh.”

Wade grins. “And I think we should also talk when you’re not paid to be nice and approachable.”

“Oh.”

who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Peter is the TA. He has a running conspiracy going that Professor Wilson is a scam. Well, him being a professor is. He’s not sure if it’s witness protection programme, undercover operation or some nasty villain/criminal mastermind plot, BUT THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING.

The real fun starts when - unknowingly to Peter - Wade finds out about those theories and starts adding fuel to gossip’s wildfire.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Peter is the prince, Wade is… a … knight? Sort of? Okay, he was hired to kill the dragon, so he did. He did not sign up to be given a prince’s hand in marriage okay?

who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

Wade has a young, adorable daughter which is a whole bunch of problems on its own. Then he finds out she has a young, adorable teacher which creates an entirely new set of problems.

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Sometimes Peter thinks he’s more of a sensor than an editor. Not in the bad, creepy way like “this is not allowed to be said because the government said so” and more like “you can’t use fuck ten times a page, this is a children book for god’s sake!”

[droewyn]

Question Game!

I was tagged by @phlintandsteel!

rules:

1. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

2. write 10 questions of your own and tag 10 people

1.  Have you ever truly hated another human being?

Yes.  My stepmom’s son.  She raised him as a single mom, and while she didn’t have much of anything, she gave it all to him.  He wanted to go to broadcasting school to be a radio DJ.  She was terrified that he’d fail, but supported him anyway, and when he didn’t fail, she was his biggest fan.  Then he met and married Old Southern Money, and became ashamed of his roots.  He cut off all contact with her -- told her via fucking certified mail that she didn’t “do enough” for him and he wanted nothing more to do with her.  Periodically he calls just to fuck with her brain, saying that he wants to talk, only to go off on her and belittle her.  When his first kid was born, he invited her and my dad to the baptism, and when they flew down to New Orleans on their own dime he bitched her out and told her he didn’t want her there.  Like he'd never intended for her to attend, he just wanted to humiliate her in person.  We had her on suicide watch for weeks after that little trick.  I've actually wondered if driving her to suicide is his goal.  He is staggeringly cruel, an absolute waste of humanity, and the world would be so much better off without him in it.  At least then my stepmom could have some goddamn closure and stop getting tortured every six months.  I hope his wife has a billion affairs, gives him crotch rot, and leaves him for the mailman.  I hope his kids grow up to break his heart.  I’d also really like to kick his balls into his throat.  Repeatedly.

... sorry.  You asked.  :/

2.  How do YOU pronounce caramel?

CARE-uh-mel.

3.  What was your first fandom?

Um.  Okay, so, like.  I'm old. Tumblr OldTM, but still. So I'm kind of not sure how to answer this question.

The first thing I went absolutely nuts over was My Little Pony.  I was four, and there were these pastel unicorns and I.  Had. To have.  Them all.

The first thing I made up stories in my head about was Rainbow Brite.

The first thing I had headcanon for was She-Ra, Princess of Power.  When the DVDs came out and I rewatched the series as an adult, I was genuinely shocked that the episode where Adora had to earn everyone's trust because hello, there's usually a step between "I've decided to quit being the enemy's greatest general" and "I accept the position of leadership in your rebellion", didn't actually exist.  I still "remember" it vividly, and I'm not entirely convinced that there wasn't some history rewriting or parallel universe involved.

The first fanfiction I wrote was for Final Fantasy I.  I wrote a Save Our Princess! flyer for some spelling test or something in sixth grade.

My first actual online fandom was Sailor Moon.  I had a 2400 baud modem, and the tiny, distorted, 300x400 video of the Japanese opening credits took two days to download.  Fanfiction.net didn't exist yet, never mind AO3.  We had WEBRINGS.  It was barbaric.

4.  Guys in high heels, yes or no?

Doesn't do anything for me, but then I'm demi, and my boy has never been into that.  You do you and don't worry about what I think.

5.  Did you go to college, and if so, was it worth it?

I dropped out as a sophomore, so no.  It was not worth it.  I'm making decent money as an entirely self-taught Salesforce admin. 

6.  What is your favorite type of AU?

Something that gives me an entirely new experience while staying true to the characters.  I've loved me some A/B/O, and I've also been utterly revolted by A/B/O.  Ditto for soulmates, fake relationships, pretty much all of it.  It's all the writer and their storytelling for me, not a specific setting.

...

OKAY FINE GIVE ME ALL THE LEVERAGE YOI AU IN THE WORLD AND I WILL BE SO HAPPY THERE I SAID IT

7.  Would you hide your orientation/stay in the closet to get ahead in your career (I guess I’m assuming since this is tumblr that we’re all queer here)?

I joined the workforce in the late 1990's.  Of course I have been in the closet at various workplaces, though much of it was less being concerned about possible advancement or lack thereof and more not wanting to deal with being the freak in the triad relationship. These days I'm open about being queer with my coworkers, though I have not laid out any actual details to anyone. Except for the one adorable little baby gay who worried that I might find some people's behavior shocking if I went to Detroit Pride this year.  Then I was all oh sweetie you think I'm vanilla that's so cute let me tell you exactly how wrong you are.

8.  What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

So I take about a quarter cup of olive oil, right?  The regular stuff, not EVOO; EVOO can't take being heated without losing flavor so there's no point in spending the extra money for the sake of being fancy.  I grind up some salt and pepper with a mortar and pestle until it's super fine and add it to the oil, stirring so the particles are evenly suspended throughout.  Then I crush about 4-6 cloves of garlic and add them.  Yes, cloves.  More than that if they're small.  Next, I turn the stove on to the popcorn sweet spot (just past the 7 line on my range) and add a single kernel of corn.  When that pops, it’s time to add the rest of the popcorn, about a half cup.  It has to be kept moving!  I use one of those hand-cranked popcorn kettles that lets me continually stir; if I don't have that it's shaking the (lidded) pot like a savage and trying not to get burned by escaping steam.  When the popcorn is done, it gets dumped in a very large bowl and sprinkled immediately with powdered parmesan cheese so that the remaining oil will allow the cheese to stick to the popcorn.  Sometimes I add some fresh chives if I'm feeling precious.

That is my favorite popcorn, and it is the fucking bomb.

9.  What character do you think deserved a better redemption arc (or to get one when they didn’t)?

Actually, I'm going to go back to my She-Ra headcanon from above.  I know it was a child's cartoon from the 1980's.  But even when I was a child I understood that some transgressions are just too big for "Whoops, sorry I was like brainwashed and stuff" to cut it.  She needed trials, tribulations.  She needed to earn her place.  Earn the right for redemption.  I'd love to see a take on the series that digs into that.  (That and the Hordak/Adora relationship.  Why the fuck did he raise her to be innocent when keeping her that way was so much trouble?  Was she a trophy?  Was she the one good thing in his life?  If so, why did he make her fight for him?  Did he ever care for her at all?  These questions should keep her up at night.  She should be torn between hatred and love for the father figure she thought she'd had.  IT WOULD BE SO DELICIOUS)

10.  What element would you choose if you could bend/control ONE.

Carbon.  I'd basically have control over everything organic and RULE THE WORLD MUA HA HA HA HA

I’m tagging the following people (entirely voluntary, of course):

@mercury01, @minttytea, @doesitlooklikeineedanotherfandom, @silvercrystal1, @basedpandesal, @cinnamonviking, @spideypool-snarryalways, @planeoftheeclectic, @ihaveacrappyusername, and all of the porn bots.

My questions:

1. What would your ideal T-shirt slogan read?

2. What is your comfort food, activity, and/or piece of clothing, and why?

3. Which fandom are you the most proud to be part of?  Which fandom are you ashamed of?  They can be the same fandom.

4. Name one thing about yourself that you like.  This must be genuine.  NO SIDESTEPPING, SELF-NEGGING, OR BACKHANDED SHIT.  IF I CAN DO IT YOU CAN.

5. Do you have any traditions in your family that you’ve inherited and are happy to carry forward?  Are there any traditions that you’d like to start yourself?

6. What are your pet(s) name(s)?  If you don’t have a pet, what would you name your fantasy pet?

7. What of yours would you like archaeologists (alien or future humans; your choice) to dig up one day?  Why?

8. You’ve done all of those “What’s your porn/writer/Star Wars/etc name” memes.  We all have.  What’s your favorite one?

9. What song summarizes you?

10. What’s your superpower?  Will you be a hero or a villain?

BONUS QUESTION BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WANTS TO CONTRIBUTE BUT IS A SMARTASS: 

11. If Richard the Lionheart had actually taken his shit seriously, do you think he could have spanked Saladin, or did existing socioeconomic and political conditions doom his Crusade to failure?

[havemyweedcookies]

Cooking 101 with Wade and Petey (Spideypool Fanfiction)

Chapter 1 If somebody cared enough to ask Deadpool to comment about his love life, Wade would puff his chest with pride and said that he and Petey was an item. Despite their different preference in serving justice to baddies, there were many things they shared the same interest with each other. Like their red-themed spandex suits.

Or their love for cooking.

Well, this was where their similarity in the culinary realm ended. Here is a fact: Wade was a great cook. Everyone who had a chance to taste his dishes admitted that, though reluctantly. One the other hand, Peter couldn’t cook even his life depended on it. Although, the kid loved to think that he could and Wade was the one paying the price with his life. Wade didn’t exaggerate that dying part too. He did actually die.

It never occurred to Wade when he and Peter started dating that Peter knew no shit about cooking. After all, cooking was the basic survival knowledge that everyone should know, right? In his entire life, Wade never met anyone that couldn’t. And here was Petey. At the beginning of their dating, Spidey was still keeping his civilian ego out of their vigilant association so treating each other with homemade breakfast was out of the table. Most of their rooftop date night usually consisted of pizza, greasy Mexican and Chinese take-outs which were delicious but Wade was a kind of guy who felt the urge to provide the people he cared about. Feeding, nurturing were the only way that sated his primordial urge. Understandably, Wade was on the moon when they, actually just Peter, were out about their secret identities and Peter starting crashing over Wade’s. Now, he had many chances to show off his culinary prowess.

That was six months ago, now Peter and Wade recently moved into their new apartment, with a really meticulous kitchen Wade personally commissioned. Because he secretly was a party girl who dreamed of hosting a chick party in his so glam kitchen. But more importantly, he just wanted to be the best waifu for his Baby Boy. This was how he started noticing the other side of his bae that he never had a chance before.

 __________________________

It was a really nice ordinary day. Wade was lounging on their very comfortable very velvet-y red sofa, killing time on his phone, as he waited for the time to go to work. A miscellaneous non-mercenary job that he threatened Weasel to find for him as Wade already quitted his mercenary job. Peter was busying with his college assignments, cute glasses perched adorably on his little pixie nose. Wade got up from his sofa, sighed loudly as today was still a rat-terminating job. Again. He announced,

“Daddy is going out. I might stop to pick some items from the store for our dinner. Need anything, babe?”

Peter went a little rigid then he said,

“Actually you don’t need to cook for us tonight.”

Wade gasped. Horrified.

“W...Why! Was that Pad Thai I made last night didn’t satisfy you?—you seemed to enjoy it though, stuffing it like a chipmunk which was so cute by the way. Did you hate it? Why haven’t you told me earlier, Sweety-pie? Communication is the most important part in relationships!”

Peter blushed hard. “My mouth was not stuffed!”

Wade stared at him.

“Okay, I might do that. Whatever, that’s not the point! I told you not to cook because I’m going to take a charge tonight.” Peter continued. “You have been the one cooking for us like since even before we moved in together. I want to cook for you too.” He finished, blushing again.

That was so cute. Wade almost squeezed Peter’s cheeks. After all, science has it confirmed that cute things really did bring out people’s innate aggression and his Petey was the cutest. Only Wade allowed to touch him though or someone was going to get murdered. So, unsuspicious almost ignorant to his fate, Wade left for work, heart growing three sizes as he dreamed of the spaghetti meat sauce his Baby Boy promised to make.

----------------------------------------------

 Wade came home to find his once very neat kitchen destroyed. He almost convinced that somebody got killed here as the red substance was spilled everywhere even on the ceiling until he realized that the mysterious substance was supposed to be tomato sauce. A very bad tomato sauce. That should be a warning sign if he wasn’t traumatized to read.

Peter appeared silently at his side, sheepishly scratching his ear.

“Wade. I’m really sorry. I promise I’ll clean all the sauce, the soot. And buy you a new set of pots and bowls that I Kinda broke them. Unintentionally! Please don’t be mad.”

How could Wade be mad at that Bambi eyes, especially when Peter turned them on to him full power? That was not fair at all.

“Dinner?” Wade sputtered, snapping back from his traumatic state of realizing that half of his precious kitchenware were gone.

“Oh, yeah! You must be hungry! I set the table in the living room as the kitchen is kinda messy at this moment.”

-------------------------------------------

 Peter’s spaghetti meat sauce looked innocent enough to deceive Wade of its malicious nature. From seeing the table, Wade knew how much effort Peter put into making perfect for Wade. Plates set neatly, food still warm. Realization dawned on him that this was the first time Peter cooked for him and it melted his heart. So Wade picked up a fork and ate. He shuddered. As in pre-vomit stage kind of shudder. Some of the pasta was overcooked and went gooey. But some was still dried? Did he smell the burnt? And the sauce. That was the true horror. It didn’t taste like something edible at all. So acidic and bitter. Meatball also undercooked. It was fucking raw! (He internally shouted in a Gordon Ramsey’s accent).

Peter waited for his comment patiently, looking anxious and worried. Wade knew that Peter was exhausted every day with all of his college stuff, Spider-Manning and getting shouted from his jackass boss at the Bugle. The last thing he needed was a disappointment. Wade just couldn’t. So he said,

“Um, just need lil more salt and you can go open your own restaurant!”

Peter beamed.

“Sweet talk would get you nowhere, but you can have all the spaghetti.” Wade shrieked internally. Oblivious, Peter continued. “I’m not hungry. Cooking is really an exhausting work. Have no idea how you do that all time for me. So thank you, Wade.”

Peter’s smile was so warm and bright so Wade dutifully ate the abomination that was Peter’s cooking. A tongue was just an insignificant anatomical part compared to Peter’s love. Wade would willingly sacrifice anything for Peter and it was still incomparable to all the things Peter had done for him, a man so fucked up that everyone had given up saving. Wade slurped the last portion the spaghetti that was made with love. Peter looked surprised and very pleased.

Worth it.

 ------------------------------------------

They were doing the washing and drying dishes when Peter brought up the question again. “Is my cooking that really good? Aunt May and my friends always say otherwise. You have to tell me truthfully, Wade”

Wade stilled.

This was the moment he should tell Peter the truth of how bad that dish was to Wade’s poor stomach and that he should not even think to cook again. Ever. But an imagination with Peter disappointed with himself had Wade carefully readjusted his sentence.

“…Not bad. You really have potentials for someone who seems to --never step a foot in the kitchen before. But still! You have to admit that I’m the prettier one in an apron.”  Such a sublime compliment with a subtext of truth. Wade was such a smooth bastard.

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah.” They fell into a peaceful silence, Peter pondering something important and Wade looking forward to visiting the toilet. Then, Peter said

“I’d love to cook for you from now on. What do you say?”

Fuck!

 --------------------------------------------- Hi, this is my first fanfic is the Spideypool fandom. I hope it’d be entertaining. English is not my native so I’d love to have someone beta it.

J�� �